The spirit of home!

This is my favorite time of year. I love the colors, the air, the temperature, and everything else about Fall. I love to get out my Fall wreaths and I always put out my acorn candy dish with candy corn in it. We light pumpkin and spice scented candles and Rachel and I both love to be at home.

We had lost that for a while though. I have always had the kind of home where my children's friends love to come. Rachel has had two best friends since she was three and they have spent a lot of days and nights at my house. The girls always talk about how they remember me baking things for them or funny things we would do. They love it there!

Yet for a while, our home wasn't ours. After an unsettling marriage and living with someone who didn't enjoy the essence of a home or people for that matter, we began to retreat. Even Rachel's friends would ask if her step dad was home before they came over. Lately some of them have confessed to me that they didn't like being there when he was there. One friend said that every time she came in the house she just wanted to poke him and say "is there anybody in there?". So for a time there were many uncomfortable weekends, and the joy of our home went away.

Lately though, since my divorce, we have reclaimed it. The girls are back to coming over and hanging out. They spend the night, cook dinner, watch movies and we laugh and giggle. I had forgotten how much I had missed the joy of having a happy home and of having peace. In the midst of the fog sometimes you cant see who you're living with or what you're dealing with. Then when the sun shines down and burns the mist away, you begin to see clearly again. The joyful spirit of our home is back!

"If you cant stand the heat, get out of the oven"

There used to be a game show called "Truth or consequences". I think as kids we called it "truth or dare". Usually most people took the dare. Why? Because they never knew what question they were going to be asked and just how exposed they would be if they had to tell the truth.

As adults we still play that game. We've just modified it to seem like it's o.k.! I am an avid people watcher! I love to just observe the behavior of people when they think they have master minded the art of deception. Then when they face the consequences it amazes me how shocked they always are at what happens, or what is said about them. When the truth surfaces people begin to squirm, especially if they have worked hard for so long to conceal it and to portray an image that is honorable.

I had a "heated" conversation today with a man who concealed his philandering for a number of years during two different marriages. Now the truth comes out, and his image is tarnished. His coworkers are questioning his integrity. His girlfriend is mad because now her image is tarnished because her history of philandering is out also. The men at work trade stories about their trysts with her. Her friends and coworkers are whispering behind her back. Both of them lost the chance to finish raising their daughters due to their selfish behaviors and now they not only have stolen someone's idea of a sacred marriage , but they have wrecked two homes and left children hurting. The amazing thing is that they are both mad at other people who haven't done anything but pointed out to them that they have done others wrong. They have created a three ringed circus and they are mad because others are watching and talking. In trying to explain this to him I simply said "you know, you created this yourself. Your girlfriend created her story. You both have daughters that now have been given the legacy of parents who are dishonest, immoral and who feel unaccountable for the hurt they have caused. And your mad at who?"

Well, to say the least my honesty didn't go over well. But I was committed to telling the truth and not sugar coating the story in order to make him and his girlfriend feel better about the marriages they have wrecked, the affairs they have had, the number of people they have been with and wreckage that they have left behind in being dishonest both in their personal lives and in breaking a code of conduct at work. And as to be expected, they aren't even faithful to each other. So to say the least, I wasn't the popular person. And I'm o.k. with that.

The lesson here? If you don't want to suffer the consequences of making bad choices, don't make the bad choices. If you don't want your family and friends to see you in a tarnished image, then do what you have to do keep it clean. And if you don't want your children to have to hear how mommy or daddy doesn't regard the sacred vows of marriage, theirs or anyone else's, then don't break those vows, and don't cause someone else to break theirs.

There's an old saying "if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen". Or as my daughter once said in a state of confusion "if you cant stand the heat, get out of the oven"!

Life is Tragic, God is Good!

If I offend anyone with my honesty and candidness I apologize ahead of time. I have learned that the best way to sometimes help others heal is to tell your own story of healing. So with that I am committed to being completely honest and straight forward.

I had a conversation the other night with someone who works with my ex-husband. He told me that he was sorry for what I had to go through and he wished me luck. I said to him, "I haven't lost any anything. I still have two wonderful children, and four awesome grandchildren, family and a few good friends that have really stuck beside me. I still wake up and approach every day eager to see who is in my path and what is handed to me to do for the better of mankind. I still love the lake and a fast boat. I still get excited about new experiences. I still laugh out loud and giggle like a little girl. I still gaze at a full moon in awe. I still love music and I still love to write. I am still known for my notes to people who need encouragement. I am still a Momma to two kids that adore me. I am still Gigi to four absolutely beautiful grand kids. And I am still God's daughter, embraced in His love, appointed for a purpose here on earth".

At that point I kept feeling a tug from God to take inventory of exactly what I had lost and what I still had. When I was done making that list of what I lost in the other person, I said to myself, "I've lost nothing but worry, anxiety, insomnia, unhappiness, distress, distrust, suspicion and many other things that went with that person when they chose porn addiction over marriage, lust over love, dishonesty over truth and left to have a relationship with someone else. Now that person has my loss. Then I became peaceful and grateful and calm. I no longer wanted to cry or scream.

We serve an awesome God. And sometimes what we think is being taken away from us, is actually something being given to us. It's God's gift to us. In the process we lose hurt, pain and someone who will never be happy with you or anyone. And God says "enough". He simply removes that obstacle from in front of you. He takes the thorn out of your side. He gives you rest when you had not known a peaceful nights sleep in years. He gives you joy that replaces the unhappiness. He is constant and not moody. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He gives you love, comfort and trust and a place to hide in Him. Things you should have had in a marriage but didn't. He gives you confidence and a glow that comes from knowing that someone loves you and will never betray you and will always carry you, because God is now your caretaker. You will never have to worry about what is happening on your home computer, or who is calling your husband, because God has removed all of that from your life and now you will live in the security of His love and the abundance of being cherished and loved for all that you are.

I do not condone divorce. I have to stop myself when I sometimes want to say "I hate cheaters". I am a person who is loyal and takes a vow seriously, and I believe that people who do mess with other people's wedding vows are in serious danger, because it is a commitment to God that you take also, and you better take it seriously. Not all people do that. Not all women believe that your husband is yours. They believe that all is fair in love and war. So when you have to face that you are married to someone who is weak and not loyal and who is flattered by the attention of someone who is basically a harlot, you have to say "God, here it is, take this cup from me". When someone else leaves and they don't want to be committed to you or anyone, ever, you let go. And when you do that you reach a day where you awake and say "it is well with my soul". Loss is inevitable in life. Hurt is guaranteed. People aren't always fair. But that loss is easily weathered when you let God take it and give you the gift of a fresh start. The gift of being yourself again, and of being what he created you to be.

Sad as it may seem, someone else has now signed up for your hurt, frustration, and betrayal. Someone else thinks they are the one person who can change your husband and make him happy and a better person. Someone else has chosen to take that from you, and while they don't know that's what they signed up for, they will. And maybe, just maybe, when their heart belongs to God, they will allow Him to heal their hurt, just as He did yours.

As I have said before, "I know I am in a place where God wants me to be when my soul reaches up to the Heavens and thanks God for my pain. Life is tragic, God is good"!

Diamonds and Pearls!

The formation of a natural pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and the shell, which irritate­s the mantle. It's kind of like the oyster getting a splinter. The oyster's natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself. The mantle covers the irritant with layers of the same nacre substance that is used to create the shell. This eventually forms a pearl. So a pearl is a foreign substance covered with layers of nacre.

Diamonds come to the surface when magma from far below the Earth’s surface begins coming up. Since diamonds are found at such incredible depths – three to four times deeper than the depth at which a normal volcano originates – magma upsurges deep enough to bring them to the surface are relatively rare. Once this magma cools, it forms a rock known as kimberlite – or sometimes lamproite – which may be used as an indicator that diamonds may be found in that area.

What is so beautiful and rich actually begins by being irritated, or upsurges from the depths of the earth under pressure and intense heat. Again, I am so amazed how God gave us simple messages through nature and how He shows us that an irritant or something that had to be brought up from the depths of the earth, actually emerges into something beautiful.

Most of the time when I am irritated or under intense pressure I don't feel beautiful, and I don't always see the good that's going to come out of those situations. Yet faith and a promise has kept me moving forward and knowing that if I go through the natural processes of letting God work those irritating or high pressured situations, something beautiful will emerge in me. Some days I'm a diamond. Some days I'm a pearl. A lot of days I am diamonds and pearls!

The truth hurts!

I am a lover of truth. As painful as it may be at times, I still want to hear it and know it. I listen for it. Beg for it. Pray for it and search the world over for it. For me there is no better relief then when I can say the truth. Sometimes it offends people. Sometimes it hurts them. Yet knowing the truth is a freedom.

Those of you close to me know that I have wrestled for the truth for the last few years in a marriage that was never close to truth. When all was said and done I asked for the truth, even though I already knew it, I gave the other person a chance to say it. To me it would tell me where he was in his life, in his growth and in his respect for himself and for me.

Much to my dismay I never got it. It was painful, and it was ugly and I would have respected him for hurting me with the truth rather than trying to escape by looking good and living a lie. I will never hear the truth from that person, even though I am so aware of all of the ugly lies and the details that led to our demise. Yet I feel free now. Free because I know and I have seen and I have witnessed the truth. Whoever said that the truth shall set you free, was right. And in due time God always reveals the truth when He knows you are ready.

My daughter and I share a twisted sense of humor. We actually understand each others jokes. When I told her all that I had found out she hugged me and I cried. She said "momma, are you crying over him?" I said "no, I feel stupid, I got dumped for a white mini van with Nascar tags". We both busted out laughing and that........is the truth!

There is relief in being discovered!

Life as we know it is unpredictable. You never know what road you may end up going down, either by choice or by chance. I have taken many detours. Detours I never intended to take, however circumstances and my own choices took me through those detours.

When someone in the public messes up I always love to watch people's reactions. A lot of people take a "holier than thou" approach. Some people make fun of them and laugh at the mistakes they have made. I read a local newspaper article this week about a local businessman who is having to auction his extravagant house. I was taken back by the comments people posted on line under the article on the newspapers web site. People just absolutely demolished the guy and his wife. They insulted them, laughed at them having to sell their "castle" and completely got off track about the article. I couldn't believe that so many people would put so much energy into laughing at someone else's demise. Then came the Arnold Scwarzenegger fall out. More people on a national level had their opinions and their funny remarks. I always hear that old Don Henley song in my head when I see people do this. You know the one where he talks about how people love "dirty laundry". And he sings "kick 'em when their up, kick 'em when their down, kick 'em when they sit, kick 'em all around".

I have a new found respect for people who go through tough times, some embarrassing, and who stand up and say "yes, I lied, I made mistakes" or "I'm broke and in financial ruins". It takes more courage than a lot of people have to do something like that. Yet a lot of people don't do it because of the ridicule and condemnation they are afraid to suffer through.

What do you want to bet that today Arnold feels relieved that his transgressions are out and that he no longer has to hide them? Psalms 32 speaks of David and how his bones ached because of his sin and his silence and how God's hand was heavy upon him. He goes on to talk about how he found relief in confessing his sin to God. Maybe more of us should put that into practice. Throw caution to the wind and be unafraid of what others think or say and unload all of our sins and secrets. There is relief in being discovered.

I am probably one of the most patriotic mothers I know. I was the best at being a "Marine Mom" when my son was a Marine. I wrote him everyday he was at Parris Island. I made the long trip down there just to watch him march in from the Crucible and get his EGA. I love to hear the Marine Cadences. Watching the EGA ceremony on Parris Island to this date is the most patriotic thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I watched as Kyle went to Iraq twice and I ached for the most part the entire time he was gone.

Right before he left for his second tour of duty to Iraq he caught me in the laundry room crying and he asked me what was wrong. All I could get out in between sobs was "Kyle I just want you to come home". He stood up with his chest out and he said "Momma, I'm coming home because I know, I have faith, I believe and God has told me, that there is more for me to do than just be a Marine and I'm coming home to do it". Then he followed by saying "And I'm coming home to marry Jessica". We both laughed and I told him I was counting on it.

I admit that I hated war, but I supported my son because he chose to be a Marine. I panicked on 9/11 because I knew what that meant for my child and for our family. I hated that our country had to suffer so much loss and still suffers from loss today. Every time someone has to bury their child I feel a twinge of guilt because mine made it home and I know that they prayed just as hard for their child to come home as I did for mine.

Yet when I see how we Americans rejoice over killing someone I am torn. My flesh says yes, but my spirit says NO. Do we not have faith in our God to handle those situations? Are we so overcome with fear that we cant rest until its done our way, the way we think it should be done?

I have witnessed miracles in my life. I watched my child come home safely from war, not once but twice. And he went on to get married, have four beautiful children and graduate Magna Cum Laude from college. I have watched as my daughter was almost crippled from MS and after a successful treatment three years ago she walked out of the hospital and drove us home. If I trust God for such miracles, how is it that I couldn't trust him to serve judgement on those that harm us? God says that vengeance is His! Have you ever thought that maybe the reason God had not taken the terrorist mastermind of 9/11 is so that someone could introduce him to Jesus Christ and help save his soul so that when he did die, he died having experienced salvation and the love of God? Its not a popular thought I'm sure, but I'm just saying.