As an old rehab nurse I used to stand behind the med counter and give out the meds and I would think to myself as I looked at the addicts lined up for their xanax or whatever detox drugs they were on, "whats wrong with you, cant you just stop partying or getting high?" After a little more time dealing with others addictions, family addictions and my own I realized that for addicts the high went away a long time ago. Once you find yourself in the middle of a full blown addiction, its no longer about the high. Its about the lows, the pain, and the inability to face them. Its about the hurt, disappointments and your body turning on you should you choose to move away from addiction.
I am fascinated by the news and how they report drug over doses, death by misadventure, if you want to call it that. I am fascinated that so many people lived around that individual and watched them on a daily basis go through addiction, functional or not, and then they are always shocked when they die. The one thing about addiction is it doesn't discriminate. It takes the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the famous and the one laying in a ditch that no-one knows.
Last night as I sat watching the news and the tickler started coming across the t.v. screen and it said "Whitney Houston......" in my head I knew that the following words would be dead, drugs or something related to that. After seeing so many people dabble and play with their hurt and their self medication, you almost can see it coming. I have long watched another young actress and I suspect that she will play herself into this demise also.
The thrill seeking, the numbing, the hiding and covering can only last but so long until its time for your life to stop seeking the adventure of a painless life, or accept it and move on and deal with it so that you can live. 'I'm still not sure why some of us live and some of us die in this adventure, but for those who were spared, it would be nice to help those who can find their way out of this downward spiral.