Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I know I am in a place where God wants me when my soul reaches to the Heavens and thanks God for my pain, for the person it has shaped me into and for the passion it has put into my heart. I've thought alot about pain, mainly because I have experienced a lot of it during the last two years especially. I always thought my life was successful and happy if I could go through it and not have a lot of pain or hurt. My views differ greatly from that now. Now I see that my pain is a portion of who I am. Its a portion of the passion I feel for people and for what I believe in. Its a portion of my purpose here on earth. How else could I help those in emotional pain from addiction and life in general if I could not identify with what they are feeling and going through? In the midst of my pain I would wake up some days and ask God why he allowed me to wake up. Now I see that He wasnt done with me yet. He had other things for me to do. For that I am glad. Thats the kind of hope and joy that I want to be able to show recovering addicts. I want them to embrace a new day, find their purpose in life and live life without being tied to a beast of an addiction. When I meet an addict and we begin talking, one of the first questions I ask them is "what is your pain?, why do you drink or take the next pill?". I have learned so much about how people feel or choose not to feel pain. Whats your pain? Feel it, breathe it in and then tell God to show you what to do with it! You will be amazed at what you hear back!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Peace


Everyone wants peace. Peace in their hearts, their souls, their minds, their marriage and their lives as a whole. But have you ever asked for peace and then sat back and watch the storm come? I had a conversation today with a friend about the peace we feel and what we went through to get it. We both agreed that when we prayed for peace we had no idea what we were signing up for. First you ask for peace, its all you want, and then things start happening. People may leave your life. Your job or vocation may change and you may move with two weeks notice. When my marriage was over I was upset, but I was going through my journals one day after that and read where I had written, "peace, dear God just let me have peace". Now loosing my marriage, having to move and having my world turned upside down wasnt the way I pictured that happening but thats the way it happened. And as I sifted through my life and wondered what to do I realized I had asked for all of this to happen. I wanted peace, complete peace and I got it. Later the old Janet began to emerge. I felt joy. I embraced every new day and every experience and I loved deeper. Obtaining peace is not for the weak at heart and its not for someone who isnt ready for a war in their minds and lives. Sometimes in order to burn out the wreckage inside of us God has to cleanse us of everything that is stealing our joy and peace. As my friend and I talked we agreed that we were glad for the tough time we had to go through to get peace. It makes us who were are and makes us appreciate so much. Are you ready for peace in your heart and soul? The kind you wake up to and smile? When you ask for it just know that you might ought to brace yourself because youre going to get what you asked for. And its gonna be good!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Heavy weight


Saturday I woke up and embraced the sun, rode jet skis on the lake, flew around the lake on a fast boat and soaked up the sun! I was happy to see the sun rise and fulfilled at seeing the moon in the sky tonight as I drove home. However, this time last year I wasnt in this place. I didnt care if I ever saw another sunrise or another full moon or a lake for that matter. But someone spoke a few words to me that gave me hope. Words that I hung onto and played over and over in my head for months. Thats just a small part of what I want to foundation to be. A glimmer of hope spoken to someone who is in the throws of addiction that saves them from the grave and allows them to see the sunrise and the moon hang in the sky.


But I see things around me, addictions that make my heart heavy and I see the pain that people suppress with every drink or pill and I bear a burden for them. My high today was speed. It was the joy of the sun or my daughter telling me I looked good in a bikini. Little things that you may think dont matter are the things that I hold onto. I want everyone to know that high that comes without being intoxicated or numb. I wouldnt trade this for anything. But as I get ready for bed and think about all of the people on the lake that I saw I am even more convinced that our society is out of control with addiction. I even asked myself on the way home if I was getting in over my head by taking on something this big. The answer was "no"! If anything I was even more passionate about the need for something like this. There is a song by Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews called "Im Alive". Ive listened to it alot in the last three months. "Breathing in and out is a blessing, cant you see. Today's the first day of the rest of my life, and Im alive and well".

Friday, June 25, 2010


TWENTY-THREE MILLION AMERICANS deal with some form of addiction and for every one of those twenty-three million addicts they affect SEVEN people. Thats a staggering number and one we cannot ignore. Chances are that you have either dealt with addiction or have been affected by someone else's addiction. Those numbers make me passionate about how out of control addiction is and how so many more of us need to get involved.

I spent time reading a book this winter called "His Healing Power" by Lilian B. Yeomans. She was a woman before her time, an addict to morphine who tried to detox herself fifty-seven times and it drove her to madness. She was a medical doctor. The madness eventually got her institutionalized and its there that she began to delve into the fact that healing was hers from God. But in the first few pages she wrote some things that grabbed and made me cry. I will leave you with that quote to give you insight into the desperation one feels when consumed by addiction and unable to help themselves. "Though I dreamed day and night of freedom the dream seemed impossible of realization. I said to myself, it will take something stronger than death to deliver me, for the hold of this hideous thing is far deeper than my physical being" Dr. Lilian B. Yeomans.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

"The practice of compassion is the most effective way to pursue the best interest of others as well as ourselves" DalaiLama. Searching my heart has been a life long task for me. I analyze and replay everything. Most of all I dwell on how to leave my mark on the world and leave a rich legacy for my children and grand children. I attended a class last week on how to use your talents and gifts to help others and serve God. I then spent time with a Life Coach and talked about how my passion is to just be a humanitarian and save the world one person at a time. He responded by saying "thats do-able". After many days of contemplating my place in this world and in the lives of others and laying awake at night searching my heart and soul on what I really want to do. The question was asked in class last week, "what would you get up at two in the morning and do and be passionate about?" For me I knew that answer in a split second. It was to go grab someone ravaged by addiction and take the necessary steps to help them begin to save their life. Its my passion, my calling and every path I take leads me back to doing something like this. So with the help of many wonderful people who have supported my dream and peoplel who have taught me how to love and care, here I go. I waited for a long time for someone to assign something to me to do, to give me my purpose and then I realized that it was inside of me already and God had already assigned it to me. That was all I needed. So with that I have begun a non profit organization that will go out and help addicts get to recovery, and meet their basic needs as they regain their life back.

The organization is called AddictsRUs and our motto is "One Life, One Difference". I believe in saving the world one person at a time and I believe that every life is precious and was created and shouldnt be destroyed by this terrible disease. As I blog many of you will discover some very deep and dark stories from my own life, but I am convinced that in order to help others I have to show them that they can rise up from the ashes and live again. And that means telling my own personal stories.