There is relief in being discovered!

Life as we know it is unpredictable. You never know what road you may end up going down, either by choice or by chance. I have taken many detours. Detours I never intended to take, however circumstances and my own choices took me through those detours.

When someone in the public messes up I always love to watch people's reactions. A lot of people take a "holier than thou" approach. Some people make fun of them and laugh at the mistakes they have made. I read a local newspaper article this week about a local businessman who is having to auction his extravagant house. I was taken back by the comments people posted on line under the article on the newspapers web site. People just absolutely demolished the guy and his wife. They insulted them, laughed at them having to sell their "castle" and completely got off track about the article. I couldn't believe that so many people would put so much energy into laughing at someone else's demise. Then came the Arnold Scwarzenegger fall out. More people on a national level had their opinions and their funny remarks. I always hear that old Don Henley song in my head when I see people do this. You know the one where he talks about how people love "dirty laundry". And he sings "kick 'em when their up, kick 'em when their down, kick 'em when they sit, kick 'em all around".

I have a new found respect for people who go through tough times, some embarrassing, and who stand up and say "yes, I lied, I made mistakes" or "I'm broke and in financial ruins". It takes more courage than a lot of people have to do something like that. Yet a lot of people don't do it because of the ridicule and condemnation they are afraid to suffer through.

What do you want to bet that today Arnold feels relieved that his transgressions are out and that he no longer has to hide them? Psalms 32 speaks of David and how his bones ached because of his sin and his silence and how God's hand was heavy upon him. He goes on to talk about how he found relief in confessing his sin to God. Maybe more of us should put that into practice. Throw caution to the wind and be unafraid of what others think or say and unload all of our sins and secrets. There is relief in being discovered.

I am probably one of the most patriotic mothers I know. I was the best at being a "Marine Mom" when my son was a Marine. I wrote him everyday he was at Parris Island. I made the long trip down there just to watch him march in from the Crucible and get his EGA. I love to hear the Marine Cadences. Watching the EGA ceremony on Parris Island to this date is the most patriotic thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I watched as Kyle went to Iraq twice and I ached for the most part the entire time he was gone.

Right before he left for his second tour of duty to Iraq he caught me in the laundry room crying and he asked me what was wrong. All I could get out in between sobs was "Kyle I just want you to come home". He stood up with his chest out and he said "Momma, I'm coming home because I know, I have faith, I believe and God has told me, that there is more for me to do than just be a Marine and I'm coming home to do it". Then he followed by saying "And I'm coming home to marry Jessica". We both laughed and I told him I was counting on it.

I admit that I hated war, but I supported my son because he chose to be a Marine. I panicked on 9/11 because I knew what that meant for my child and for our family. I hated that our country had to suffer so much loss and still suffers from loss today. Every time someone has to bury their child I feel a twinge of guilt because mine made it home and I know that they prayed just as hard for their child to come home as I did for mine.

Yet when I see how we Americans rejoice over killing someone I am torn. My flesh says yes, but my spirit says NO. Do we not have faith in our God to handle those situations? Are we so overcome with fear that we cant rest until its done our way, the way we think it should be done?

I have witnessed miracles in my life. I watched my child come home safely from war, not once but twice. And he went on to get married, have four beautiful children and graduate Magna Cum Laude from college. I have watched as my daughter was almost crippled from MS and after a successful treatment three years ago she walked out of the hospital and drove us home. If I trust God for such miracles, how is it that I couldn't trust him to serve judgement on those that harm us? God says that vengeance is His! Have you ever thought that maybe the reason God had not taken the terrorist mastermind of 9/11 is so that someone could introduce him to Jesus Christ and help save his soul so that when he did die, he died having experienced salvation and the love of God? Its not a popular thought I'm sure, but I'm just saying.

We're in this "two-gether"!

I have discovered something about pain. It is a common fiber that can knit two hearts together. Someone that you never suspected would be in your life, and share your heartache with you, is often the one who knows your pain because of enduring their own pain.

Through troublesome times God has given me a voice that confesses and he has made me silent at times. And that's a task because I have never been silent. But He has caused me to have a hearing ear and a sensitive heart and listen out for someone else's pain. It's having walked through my own pain that makes me so in tune when I spot others in pain. And I have been blessed by friends on the other end of the phone or computer who bear their heart and soul to me and in turn allows me to bear mine.

I don't think that is by coincidence. I believe that we are designed to walk through life together, bearing one another's burdens. Someone who has been a great mentor to me and a huge inspiration is a man who himself has endured difficulties in his life. Having him share his experiences with me and then guiding me based on his own experiences has literally changed the path I am on. And sometimes I don't know if he is truly aware of what an impact he has made in my life. It is through his obedience and through sharing his heartache and recovery that I was able to make sense of my own pain.

I come from a proud family, one that didn't always disclose their hurt or dysfunction. I learned very early in life to have a stiff upper lip and at least pretend like everything was "fine". A friend of mine the other day told me that when he was going through a difficult time in his life, something that was very public, that when someone would ask him how he was he would say "never better". Yet he admitted to me that inside he was dying.

A verse that I have literally clung to comes from Psalm 32. David wrote of his turmoil while refusing to face his sin. Psalm 32:3-4 says "when I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me". I remember a time when I carried so much with in myself that my body literally ached. I suffered from anxiety and insomnia. And I was so afraid of someone finding out what I was going through. Sometimes freedom comes when we release what we are so desperately holding onto and we confess our heart to God and even to a friend. There is "relief " in being discovered.

Sometimes the Struggle...

A man found a cocoon of the emperor moth and took it home to watch it emerge. One opening appeared, and for several hours the moth struggled but couldn't seem to force its body past a certain point.

Deciding something was wrong, the man took scissors and snipped the remaining bit of cocoon. The moth emerged easily, its body large and swollen, the wings small and shriveled.

He expected that in a few hours the wings would spread out in their natural beauty, but they did not. Instead of developing into a creature free to fly, the moth spent its life dragging around its swollen body and shriveled wings.

The constricting cocoon and the struggle necessary to pass through the tiny opening are God's way of forcing fluid from the body into the wings. The "merciful" snip was, in reality, cruel. Sometimes the struggle is exactly what we need. Author Unknown

Come fly with me.....

Ever wonder why Geese fly in a V? We all could learn something from this facinating bird! The aerodynamic V shape reduces the drag on each bird in comparison to a bird flying alone. Geese can achieve a greater distance of 70 percent when flying in groups. When the lead bird tires it drops back into the V and another bird moves forward. Each bird takes their turn in the responsibility of leading. If a goose is injured or sick during the flight and falls out, two other geese fall out with it and remain with that goose as a protector until it is able to fly again or until it dies. At that point they rejoin the formation. What a demonstration of teamwork and loyalty.

It amazes me how God created these animals who sometimes are more compassionate than we humans are. There is so much to learn from these birds. And there is so much to be learned from our Creator who created all of us and made us in a way that we should work together and help each other. When someone we know "falls out" what is your reaction? Do you fall out and stay by their side until they regain their strength or do you keep flying on without a care or just simply afraid to take the time to stay by the side of someone who is hurting.

I love that God placed simple instructions for us not only in the bible but in the way he created nature! I have worked in the field of Nursing and one of the common sayings you hear about nurses is "they eat their young", meaning watch out if you're new to the game. Its so easy to watch people fall and then set back and place judgement on them. I've experienced that myself. It takes a strong person to stand up and help someone else who is broken and needs "protecting" until they are ready for flight. Yet even the geese follow their Creator's plan and know when to fall out and help one of their own.

Brokeness, An Opportunity!

Sometimes I think the people who have suffered the most brokeness are the best to minister to others in need. I have had the opportunity to do that; walk through brokeness. I'm not talking about a bad day at work or small fight with a family member . Im talking about "brokeness", the kind where you lay down to sleep at night and you dont know if you can face the next day. And if you do, you arent sure whose there with you. Im talking about the kind of brokeness that puts you walking around in a daze because you arent sure where to turn next.
I say that I have had the "opportunity" to walk through it because it was an opportunity for me to see the other side. I was able to experience pain and heartbreak in its best form. One day everything seemed perfect and then one day I woke up in the middle of battling addiction, with a husband who took me for better or for worse, but decided he didnt want the worst after all. I was alienated from friends and family, people who still to this day are a little afraid to be too close to me. My friends, well thats another story. People that I had been there for over twenty years or more simply disappeared. And there I was left with two choices, wither up and die or pick up my cross and let Jesus carry it for me. I chose the later. There were a few select people in my life that I felt I needed to fight for. I spent nights alone crying and went to sleep many times just telling God to hold me.
Coming through that experience made me aware of what kind of pain others go through and I am one of those people that had ignored them in their time of need and heartbreak. Specifically as a rehab nurse I was extremely tough on addicts. And being brought to my knees gave me a new passion for those that others are afraid of.
One verse that I kept hearing in my mind was was Matthew 25:40, "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as you have done unto one of the least of these brethern you have done unto me". Every broken person that passes in front of us is our opportunity to "do unto the least of these". Easter came and went and I watched as many people post "Happy Easter" or "lets remember the real reason for Easter", and I wondered how many homeless people they passed on the way to church or on the way to lunch. I wondered if they found out tommorow that their best friend was in the middle of an addiction would they be there.
You see we have the chance to celebrate Easter everyday, or for that matter Christmas too. Im thankful for my opportunity to search the soul of brokeness. It has made me aware of my surroundings. Its caused me to lay aside the frivolous things in life and go down the road less traveled. And its made me painfully aware of things that just arent important anymore. When my daughter Rachel was young she couldnt stand to pass up a homeless person. We would circle around and go to McDonalds and buy a happy meal with a large ice water. After we had given the meal to someone who needed it I would turn to her and say "you just fed Jesus". When is the last time you went out of your way to help someone in pain or in need? When is the last time you fed Jesus?

Loss is Inevitable

One thing I have learned in life is that loss is inevitable and is going to happen. I suppose that I learned at a very early age that you loose those you love no matter how hard you cry, or how hard you wish them back. I spent many hours looking up to the sky wondering why God took my dad and why I was the "one" who had no dad. I eventually stopped asking the why of it all and accepted that there are things that happen and I may never know the reason and then one day I may know all of the reasons. Ironically now I am put in the paths of grown children, people my age, who are loosing their parents to a terminal illness or old age and I am their nurse. And now I am in the paths of addicts who are slowly dying from their addiction. Last night I met with the family of a new patient that I am taking on. I spent a lot of time with one daughter in particular that I go to church with. She told me that she felt that God had led her to me and that she knew I was the one to take care of her mother. What a treat that was for me to hear. I found myself assuring her that everything was going to be o.k. and that ll of her feelings are normal and that I would do my best to make her mother comfortable and at ease.

As I wonder through this summer and I have done a lot of wondering, I have had to look "loss" right in the face. Through my job, through my passion for helping recovering addicts and through the death of my marriage and my life as I knew it. Death comes in so many forms. Death of a relationship, death of hope, death of a dream. But with each death or loss I have found that behind it there is a newness ready to happen and a new life waiting for us to take hold of it. Grief is a crazy thing. I have grieved loosing something that I realize I never really had. Thats a tough one. I have cried at red lights, I have set on my porch and cried alone, I have told friends on the phone I am o.k. and then hung up and sobbed, I have tried to run and hide and stay so busy that I don't feel it. Until lately god has started dealing with me and telling me to let it out. I have found myself sobbing on Interstate 40 and cried for God to just send someone to hold me through this and then realized that SOMEONE has been holding me all along.

As I pulled into my driveway last night I was met at my car by a neighbor whose daughter is in the throws of drug addiction to the point that she is stealing to get her drugs and she is one step away from violating probation and going to jail for two years. As we stood there and talked and Jenny asked me for my help, they got a phone call that their daughter had tried to overdose and was on her way to the hospital. And so another one is put in my path and I will go talk to her about treatment and try to help her loose the life she has and die to the drug addiction and embrace a new life that is out there waiting. But she will have to loose this life before she gets the new one. And as always I look up to the Heavens and say "yeah, I know what I'm supposed to do". Somehow in a crazy way helping others through their loss is helping me to die to myself and die to my old thoughts and ideas and embrace a new life.