Thursday, June 16, 2011

"If you cant stand the heat, get out of the oven"

There used to be a game show called "Truth or consequences". I think as kids we called it "truth or dare". Usually most people took the dare. Why? Because they never knew what question they were going to be asked and just how exposed they would be if they had to tell the truth.

As adults we still play that game. We've just modified it to seem like it's o.k.! I am an avid people watcher! I love to just observe the behavior of people when they think they have master minded the art of deception. Then when they face the consequences it amazes me how shocked they always are at what happens, or what is said about them. When the truth surfaces people begin to squirm, especially if they have worked hard for so long to conceal it and to portray an image that is honorable.

I had a "heated" conversation today with a man who concealed his philandering for a number of years during two different marriages. Now the truth comes out, and his image is tarnished. His coworkers are questioning his integrity. His girlfriend is mad because now her image is tarnished because her history of philandering is out also. The men at work trade stories about their trysts with her. Her friends and coworkers are whispering behind her back. Both of them lost the chance to finish raising their daughters due to their selfish behaviors and now they not only have stolen someone's idea of a sacred marriage , but they have wrecked two homes and left children hurting. The amazing thing is that they are both mad at other people who haven't done anything but pointed out to them that they have done others wrong. They have created a three ringed circus and they are mad because others are watching and talking. In trying to explain this to him I simply said "you know, you created this yourself. Your girlfriend created her story. You both have daughters that now have been given the legacy of parents who are dishonest, immoral and who feel unaccountable for the hurt they have caused. And your mad at who?"

Well, to say the least my honesty didn't go over well. But I was committed to telling the truth and not sugar coating the story in order to make him and his girlfriend feel better about the marriages they have wrecked, the affairs they have had, the number of people they have been with and wreckage that they have left behind in being dishonest both in their personal lives and in breaking a code of conduct at work. And as to be expected, they aren't even faithful to each other. So to say the least, I wasn't the popular person. And I'm o.k. with that.

The lesson here? If you don't want to suffer the consequences of making bad choices, don't make the bad choices. If you don't want your family and friends to see you in a tarnished image, then do what you have to do keep it clean. And if you don't want your children to have to hear how mommy or daddy doesn't regard the sacred vows of marriage, theirs or anyone else's, then don't break those vows, and don't cause someone else to break theirs.

There's an old saying "if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen". Or as my daughter once said in a state of confusion "if you cant stand the heat, get out of the oven"!

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